It has been so long since I've sat down to take the time to write. My life's become pretty hectic within the past month, but boy am I grateful for all of the curveballs. I haven't necessarily enjoyed all of the difficulties, but I have certainly learned from them. It's strange to think that I'm sitting here writing on this blog that maybe one person looks at. I just don't always know what to write about, and I have this constant fear of not choosing the "right" topic (or even having a topic for that matter). So, I guess, now onto fear (well, maybe that wasn't too difficult).
I'm trying to work on not being so scared about things that I don't have that much control over...What people think of me? How successful will I be in the future? Will I get married? I mean, really Taylor Anne? It's pretty much all figured out already, I just haven't seen the results for it.
I also have a fear of deciding what I'm going to do in the future. I have so many interests and want to be successful, but more than anything I just want to be happy. It's funny to think of how my hopes and dreams have changed and shifted since the days of monkey bars and sleepovers. Given any opportunity to make a wish, I'd close my eyes so I couldn't see a hint of light and wish, wish, wish to have a cute boyfriend and be super successful. Funny how now those things couldn't make a lick of difference in my life.
For starters, a cute boyfriend? I mean, come on y'all...I'm a young college girl who is trying to figure out some very crucial things in her life right now. My day starts at 8am and ends at about 2am, I hardly have time to take care of myself much less an XY chromosome. I am not saying that I wouldn't like to have a boyfriend, but in all honesty I haven't really met anyone who I believe could handle me. It's not that it wouldn't be nice to have a boyfriend, but I have so much more to learn about myself and about this world -I've got some time.
And secondly, success. My definition of success has changed so greatly. I used to think that success meant fame and fortune, but I've come to realize that that isn't even close to correct. Both fame and fortune can destroy a person. I mean, more power to you if you've got them both (again, like the boyfriend, I really wouldn't mind), but you've got to make sure that you're happy. Plain and simple.
So that brings me to my something that I've thought about recently...the changes in my wishes. Now every time it's 11:11 or I'm blowing out the candles on my birthday, I again close my eyes so tight and send up a prayer. Not for a cute boyfriend and money, but rather, for happiness. That's all. I just want to be happy. If that means working for a non-profit and making barely minimum wage, so be it. On the other hand, if it means making millions and running the world, that's not so bad either.
Let's just say I've gotten my priorities a bit straighter since my seventh birthday, who knew?
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